I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
