We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
