i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
