i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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