You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
