Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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