mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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