That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
