Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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