the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
