guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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