Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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