There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
