I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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