You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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