With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
