It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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