She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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