Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
