so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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