He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
