Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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