Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
