kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
