And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
