clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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