Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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