Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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