I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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