I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
