you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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