I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
