yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
