Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
