doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
