Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
