Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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