I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
