Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
