you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
