Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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