i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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