just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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