I hate all girls vehemently.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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