Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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