Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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