Where is the hickey?
I bet he comes in French.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
