I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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