just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
