Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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