listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event