just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.