lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.