yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
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My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after