I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina