Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
