Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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