its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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