Duck Duck Cougar?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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