she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
