He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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