I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize