epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize